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Literature Text
when did apathy transcend
from a scrawny side dish
to a full-course meal?
(i'm so full of it)
and how do i even
walk the earth
on such a flimsy diet?
(my stomach growls)
will i continue
to stumble along?
(it's too bright outside)
or will i,
one day,
be swept away
in a passing breeze?
(my breath sweeps
eraser shavings
from the crease between pages
as the wind blows
paper planes and lost balloons
through carved valleys and ghost towns)
we really are just pages, aren't we?
(you and i)
from a scrawny side dish
to a full-course meal?
(i'm so full of it)
and how do i even
walk the earth
on such a flimsy diet?
(my stomach growls)
will i continue
to stumble along?
(it's too bright outside)
or will i,
one day,
be swept away
in a passing breeze?
(my breath sweeps
eraser shavings
from the crease between pages
as the wind blows
paper planes and lost balloons
through carved valleys and ghost towns)
we really are just pages, aren't we?
(you and i)
...
life is sparse with abundance
...
life is sparse with abundance
...
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Comments7
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Overall Vision Originality Technique ImpactHey there!
Prettyflour here on behalf of <img class="avatar" src="a.deviantart.net/avatars/p/o/p…" alt="
" title="PoeticalCondition" /> with the critique you requested.Wow…I’m not sure what else to say except for that I really love this. It’s going in my favs for sure! In the beginning, I dig the questions you pose and your use of parentheses. And then you really captured me with these lines:
as the wind blows
paper planes and lost balloons
through carved valleys and ghost towns)
Lovely imagery there! I can just picture a very surreal scene, with paper planes and red balloons floating on the breeze.
And your ending was perfect! So well done!